“The Conjuring 2” is set to be the summer’s biggest, hottest horror movie — but the contents of the film itself may not even be the scariest aspect.

According to The Telegraph, a 65-year-old man in India experienced chest pains during the spooky movie’s climax, then promptly fainted. He was rushed to a nearby hospital and, sadly, pronounced dead.

Okay, not that odd at all, you may be saying. He was elderly, the movie was scary, sometimes bad things just happen.

That’s not all.

His body was sent by doctors to Tiruvannamalai Government Medical College Hospital, presumably for post-mortem examination and an autopsy. That was the last time he — and the driver tasked with transporting his body — were seen.

Authorities are still trying to identify the deceased man, as well as find both his body and the person responsible for its transportation.

It’s utterly bizarre, but as I’ve come to learn, often truth is far scarier than fiction.

Dating a weird person is not a bad thing. In fact, it’s a really really good thing. Because, let’s face it, you’re weird as f*** too.

You dance in your underwear alone while singing into your hairbrush. You like to talk in different accents every two seconds. You talk really loudly in restaurants when it’s dead silent. You like to wear mismatched socks. You prefer silly faces over the popular duck face. You fall. A lot.

You aren’t exactly the picture of perfection.

You like to eat pizza with a fork. And you don’t care that you still cry when you listen to the Jonas Brothers.

We are all weird in our own ways. We all do things out of the norm. And we all make some people uncomfortable. So, instead of shying away from our weird tendencies and weird personalities, I think it’s about damn time we embrace ourselves.

Some people tend to date people who control their weirdness. They are cool, collected and unbothered. They say “thank you” and “please” in every other sentence. They sip tea with their pinky finger. They never say or do anything outrageous. They despise loud, obnoxious people who have their own opinions. They follow the crowd.

And maybe dating this type of person is your thing. Maybe you really are an alien too. But for us weird folks, we can’t be with someone who can’t make fun of themselves. We can’t be with someone who tries to pull in their weird habits, and who tries to change according to what society deems as acceptable. These people might be perfectly nice. And you might even like them for a bit.

But they are oh, so boring.

I mean, come on. Do you really think you are going to last with someone who is cookie cutter perfect in every way? Do you think you are going to fall in love with someone who can’t even embrace your personality? I really don’t think so.

Date someone who is just as weird and obnoxious as you are.

Date someone who has ugly face contests with you. Date someone who likes to yell at the type of their lungs just for fun. Date someone who has his own signature dance that makes every body stare at him in awe. Date someone who accepts your weirdness. And who laughs at himself as much as you laugh at yourself. Date someone who won’t be uncomfortable when you do something completely crazy at a party. Date someone who joins you dancing on top of tables. Date someone who won’t let go of the true you. Who loves you for you.

Don’t date the nice guy. Don’t date the boring guy. Don’t date the one who only tries to please other people. Date the guy who lives for himself. Who loves people. And who loves other weird people.

Date the guy who will love all of your weirdness for better or for worse.

He will never judge you, or tell you how to behave. He will never boss you around and try to mold you into something that society can accept. He will just love you. And that’s all you are going to need. 

As we progress in the field of medicine, there are sure to be shifts and changes in the way that doctors treat certain conditions. That being said, the “cures” to some medical issues considered normal in years past are SERIOUSLY BANANAS. Check out some of the absolutely insane treatments given by doctors that were just as normal as aspirin in days gone by.

LSD Therapy

Because what’s more stable than a patient on psychedelic drugs? This sort of therapy caught on in Western medicine in the 1950s. It was claimed that psychedelics (including LSD and MDMA) could alter a patient’s personality (???) in a beneficial way (?!?!?!) as well as help said patient bond with their psychiatrist. It was also a form of treatment for alcoholics, autistic children, and terminally ill patients.

Rest Cure

Also called “bad rest,” it’s just what it sounds like: you literally lay in bed until you’re better. Sounds pretty scientific. To be clear, “bed rest” means you’re voluntarily staying in bed for your health — “bad rest” means you have no choice in the matter, you’re stuck in bed, sucker.

It’s been discovered there are very few benefits from this treatment, and most of those are from people who should probably be staying in bed already. For example, reducing swelling of limbs, reduced pain in damaged nerves, etc. So basically, if you shouldn’t move, this treatment is fine. However, if you’re a person who’s ill but that illness doesn’t affect your mobility, you shouldn’t HAVE to be confined forcefully to a bed to get this sort of treatment.

One of the chief uses of this treatment was for “hysteria,” which basically used to translate to “a woman is behaving in a way I find bothersome.” Some of its negative effects included muscle atrophy, thrombosis, and — in some cases — insanity, as evidenced by the fictional story “The Yellow Wallpaper.”

Children’s Soothing Syrups

In 1849, Mrs. Charlotte Winslow invented a medicinal formula she called “Mrs. Winslow’s Soothing Syrup.” It was meant to soothe babies who were teething or otherwise unable to be comforted. Unfortunately, the thing was mostly morphine and alcohol, it was sold over the counter, and it was (more than) fairly dangerous for children. That didn’t stop it from selling like hotcakes. Children’s lives be damned!

Blood-letting

I don’t understand why it was ever a thing to say “Oh you know all that blood you have in your body? If you get that blood OUT of your body you’ll feel better.” And yet for CENTURIES this practice went on. From “barber-surgeons” to leeches, scores of people pretended this was super normal to do until the idea began to be questioned in the late 1800s.

Medical Vibrators

And now we return to “hysteria,” which at a certain point began to just mean “a female medical condition doctors don’t understand/recognize/want to deal with right now.” Any issue that was assigned to said condition was said to be cured by “hysterical paroxysm” — or, you know, an orgasm.

So how long did it take for someone to figure out how to ride THAT money train? Not too long. Dr. J. Mortimer Granville (great name) invented the vibrator in the 1880s. Poor dear, he actually thought he was creating something strictly for the medical field to help women with this debilitating “condition.”

Then healthy, wealthy Victorian women found out about it and well… we have all those special shops nowadays.

Heroin

So you know Bayer? As in, Bayer aspirin, among other things? Well, did you know that in the 1890s, Bayer was selling heroin as a remedy for a cough?

And not just that, but they literally called it “Bayer’s Heroin Medicine!” Also, it was marketed towards children. Yeah kids, knock back some heroin and that nasty cold will be gone before you know it!

Shock Therapy

Because the past is crazy nuts, electroshock therapy used to be considered to treat anything from depression to schizophrenia to catatonia. Basically doctors would say “Screw it! Let’s zap thousands of bolts of electricity through your head.” And then they would do that. And if you didn’t respond, well, guess what? MORE ELECTRICITY THROUGH YOUR HEAD! A lot of patients were (obviously) worse for wear after this treatment and never fully recovered.

Lobotomies

I don’t know who said “Let’s just cut into their brain, who cares” but it was someone who invented the lobotomy for sure. Also I DO know who it was (Portuguese neurologist Antonio Egas Moiz) and that he won the Nobel Prize for this wonderful discovery.

It might not seem like a big deal, but in many cases this procedure — which consists of cutting the connections of the brain’s frontal lobes — resulted in an irreversible personality change or loss of personality altogether. By 1951, almost 20,000 lobotomies had taken place in the United States with the procedure debuting in the early 1940s.

I think the scariest part of this “treatment” is that in many cases it didn’t damage anything beyond repair aside from the subject’s personality. They continue to live, there’s nothing else wrong with them, but they’re… not them. Sylvia Plath notes in her novel “The Bell Jar” of a woman who’s had a lobotomy that she has a “perpetual marble calm.”

Virgin Cleansing

It first gained traction in 16th century Europe. Then in 19th century Victorian England. Even today it exists in some corners of the world. And it’s this simple: have sex with a virgin and all of your sex-related medical woes will go away. I don’t think I have to elaborate that of course it doesn’t work, of course it has never worked. In the cases that this “cure” is still employed to this day, I hope something will change, and soon.

Conversion Therapy

Perhaps the most frightening treatment on this list, conversion therapy continues to be used, even in the world of Western medicine. It involves aversive treatments, usually geared towards homosexual or bisexual individuals, in order to encourage said individuals towards heterosexuality. This includes (in the past) lobotomies, electric shock to hands or genitals, masturbatory reconditioning (whatever that is!) and other frightening threats.

In recent days, conversion therapy has taken an eerily “nice” turn — though the treatments are far from that. No, most treatment centers won’t try to electrocute you or ruin your brain. Instead, more psychological tactics have been employed, including counseling, interventions, and “training.”

In 2001, the United States Surgeon General released a statement that said, “There is no valid scientific evidence that sexual orientation can be changed.” There may be clarity that’s over 10 years old but that doesn’t mean the outlandish treatment has gone away… and it’s bizarre to think that with all the other “cures” I mentioned, almost all of them continued to be sold/used for years after doctors spoke out against their ineffectiveness — and, in some cases, their danger to the general public.

Who knows what we’ll see in the next 10 years.

There are tons of aspects advertisers consider in airing commercials. They look at their target audience, the airing time, and the product itself. However, the true struggle of an advertising company is the ad’s run time — which is normally 30 seconds on an average TV primetime slot. So it’s within these 30 critical seconds that companies have to come up with an eye-catching and distinctive way to leave a great impression to their audience along with the message of their ad.

In several unfortunate cases, some of these commercials may have been too odd or too abstract for an Average Joe to understand. Whatever messages these companies were trying to relay to their audiences, you would certainly know it flopped when a supposedly positive McDonald’s commercial gets you to not eat at McDonald’s for a month!

Here’s our list of 10 Creepiest commercials of all time.

1. Orkin — Family Vacation

The commercial starts with a family coming home from a holiday finding out that there were other “creatures” living in their house. Orkin, has released several of these commercials where giant bugs talks and acts as if they are ordinary human beings. The ad was supposed to depict humor to the target audience. Some of the viewers on the other hand, certainly didn’t think it was funny at all.

2. McDonald’s — Japanese Commercial

Clowns can be very scary for some, but clowns made by Japanese horror enthusiast are the ultimate hair raising creeper you don’t need to see. These are series of clips where they feature Ronald McDonald the clown stalking a young teenage girl. All these clips end, by showing the McDonald’s logo while a distorted McDonalds jingle sung by a satanic voice over plays in the background.

3. Baby Laugh-A-Lot

Believe it or not, this commercial was made in the 1970’s supposedly for the purpose of entertaining children. The ad however went too far from showing a very happy baby laugh-a-lot doll turned into very disturbing clips of children turning their heads in the camera with blank expressions along with the doll’s creepy laugh in the background.

Not only that, but the narrator on the video also went too far with his demented laugh. Was this commercial really aiming for a positive reaction to viewers when they decided to air this national television or are we just watching too much horror movies? You decide.

4. Ghost Car Commercial

This one is a classic. This commercial was certainly famous back in 2005 when it was first uploaded. The one who first posted the video had a caption that says “Look closely there’s a ghost in the car”, although the ad shows a very peaceful scene of a car driving in green mountains, you would certainly be freaked out of what’s about to happen at the end of the clip.

5. Playstation 3 — Baby Commercial

The scary baby on the ad clearly has nothing to do with the product (new Playstation 3) being launched. I’m not sure whether Sony wanted their target audience to be afraid in buying the new console or they were aiming to show more shock value to back up their tagline “Play Beyond.”

6. Mr. Krinkles Cereal Commercial

I don’t know if it’s the introduction where the head of the character pops out of nowhere in the screen or the fact that it’s a black and white vintage clown commercial that gives the video a creepy vibe to it. Still, this 1960’s cereal commercial is definitely a cringe worthy clip to watch.

7. Little Baby Ice Cream (Part 1)

The little baby ice cream commercial tops all the weirdest and terrifying commercials in the dessert industry. The ad begins with an androgynous character all covered in gooey white substance and eventually starts eating himself. To top that scary sight, the music being played in the background was a disturbing warped ice cream jingle matched with a creepy voice over telling everyone that eating little baby’s ice cream is a “Special Time.”

8. Little Baby Ice Cream (Part 2)

…And if the first Little Baby Ice Cream commercial was not terrifying enough to drive off your ice cream appetite, wait till you see the second one.

9. Japanese Kleenex (Cursed) Commercial

This ad was released in the 1980’s when Kleenex aired this Japanese commercial for their tissues which was found by most of its viewers very disturbing. The commercial starts with a scene where we see a woman in white robes and a small child dressed like a demonic creature sitting on straw. An acapela version of “It’s a Fine Day” by Jane and Barton is played as background music.

The real creepy part about this video, was the story behind it. Because it was widely talked about, word began to get around that several actors and crew involved in making this commercial died in unexpected deaths several months after it was aired. There have been many reports too, that the video is cursed and whoever watches it during midnight will meet the same fate as the crew. Whether it’s an urban legend or not, will you be curious enough to find out if you’re the sorry idiot who gets cursed in the end? I don’t think so.

10. Fragile Childhood – Monsters Commercial

This is by far, one of the most chilling and effective work of advocacy ad in the internet. This Finnish commercial was solely created to remind adults how children sees them when they’re drunk or intoxicated by alcohol and drugs. It’s not only made to be scary on television imagery, it also delivers a very spine-chilling message to viewers that the new monsters today which kids are afraid of are not the ones hiding inside their closets or under their beds but those whom they see everyday, which are their own parents.

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Tinder can be a dangerous place. Even though you have the power to swipe, you never know quite what you are going to get.

This young man tells his story of a particularly unsettling experience he had with a girl from Tinder that he went on a date with. He gives the background below:

Messing around on Tinder for a bit of distraction during a crazy stretch at work. Match with this woman. Texted a little bit. Probably should’ve seen a few red flags (e.g., sending a 7:00 a.m. chasing text the next day because hers was the last message in the text chain from the night before, and I hadn’t yet responded), but I like to give people the benefit of the doubt–particularly over text, as things can come across in ways other than as intended.

Anyway, we make plans to meet up for an afternoon drink over the weekend. Had a little walk through the local park, a couple of pints at a nearby pub, nice conversation, etc. (Again, probably should’ve picked up on a few signs, but she was clearly a bit nervous and–again–benefit of the doubt. And we had a nice talk and a nice time.) A quick goodbye kiss on the sidewalk at the end, but nothing more.

She started texting afterwards, and–apparently–wasn’t pleased with the speed of some of my responses. (Was a busy weekend.) After a couple of further chasing texts–the last one of which was pretty snarky–it was clear to me that this wasn’t going to work. (Insecurity, for me, is THE deal-breaker.) But we’d had a nice time, and she seemed like a nice woman, so I decided to send her a message explaining that I didn’t think it was going to work and wishing her the best.

The next morning, I woke up to this absolutely epic text rant.

Here is that rant:

But wait, she isn’t actually done yet…

OH, and she’s ALSO a homophobe. What a sweet treat this girl is…

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First dates are so awkward most of the time. You try your best to be on your best behavior, trying to cover up pieces of who you are because you don’t want them to run at the first sign of a peak of weirdness.

You think about when to send a text and how to perfectly word it. You think of posting an Instagram photo and wondering what they will think of it. You do all these things when in reality that’s not you. It might be a piece of you, a little shade of you, but that’s not you.

You’re not a cookie cutter shape of a human, you cry at sad songs, you sing at the top of your lungs, you dance around in your underwear and you do everything else that makes you who you are.

So be weird.

Be weird and don’t pretend to be normal because news flash there is no such thing as normal, and if there is then normal is boring.

Date someone who doesn’t judge you for being who you are, someone who laughs even harder when you’re laughing so hard you snort.

Date someone who doesn’t think you’re being unapologetically you because you shouldn’t have to be unapologetic for being who you are.

Date someone who likes the way you laugh and thinks the jokes you tell are funny, and date someone who laughs even when they aren’t funny. Date someone who can laugh at you, not in a mean way, but in a way that is funny because you’re laughing at yourself and it’s so typically you.

Date someone who you don’t have to feel worried about making a fool of yourself in front of them because you know they think your quirks and flaws are you and you shouldn’t feel bad about that. You’re quirks and flaws are simply part of you, they don’t define you, they are just who you are. We are all flawed in our own little ways and you should embrace your weakness, just like you embrace your strengths.

You should date someone you can take turns with singing verses of a song of the radio at the top of your lungs while playing air guitar. You should date someone you can send ugly Snapchats to and make funny faces towards in public.

You should date someone you can look at when they do something completely embarrassing and say, “I love that person, that’s my person.”

Date someone who thinks you’re awesome no matter how weird or embarrassing or funny you’re being because when you look back at them you know they are rooting you on.

If you take one piece of advice from this, it’s to never date someone you can’t be your full self around. Never date someone who makes you feel embarrassed of yourself, never date someone who tries to cover up certain parts of you around certain people in their life. Never date someone who tries to change you.

That’s not fun and that’s not worth it.

Truth be told you’ll never fit into a cookie cutter shape of someone’s life, ever. You’ll always be too loud, too weird, too much or too little of something. Your elbows won’t fit properly and your stomach won’t be the right shape, so get out, leave that relationship. Stop trying to fit into a cookie cutter life you don’t belong in.

Unleash yourself and be free, be weird and be the amazing person you are without any restrictions because you don’t need restrictions.

You are perfect in every weird way, date someone who knows that, date someone you can be equally as weird with.

Stories originally published by real women on Reddit

1. He literally can’t take a hint

I was coming home from like an indie club on the bus at 1am in my college town. The bus is nearly empty when a get on, with a few people including this one guy who won’t stop staring at me. As the bus leaves, he asks if I mind if he sits next to me. The bus is nearly empty, so I said I’d mind, I’d like to put my purse there. He sits in front of me, instead.

The entire bus ride, the dude will not stop talking to me. I clearly don’t want to talk, but he keeps talking at me, and asking me about my classes, what I’m into, what I like. I give pretty short, but polite answers, hoping he’ll get the hint. Nope, he keeps talking and telling me how beautiful I am and how I seem so smart and cool and nice. Made me really uncomfortable, especially since I’m barely answering the dude, so how could he know any of that stuff? I even drop the boyfriend bomb–my beau was home sick–and the dude continues unfazed.

Get to about three stops before mine and the bus takes “a break” where they wait about 10-15 min because they’re running fast on the route. The route sort of doubles back, so I’m pretty close to my apartment. At this point, there’s only one other person on the bus besides me, the dude and the bus driver. I say, “well, I’m pretty close, I don’t want to wait the fifteen minutes, I’m just getting off here.” Mostly to get away from this creep. But the dude asks if he can stop by my place! “No, no, I’m going to sleep, I’m fine.” So he says, “oh, I wouldn’t want a pretty girl to walk home alone. I’ll walk you.” HELL. NO. I do NOT want this dude knowing exactly where I live, let alone walking me home.

I was young and terrified of being rude, so I just kept saying, no I’m fine. Just stay here. Please, I’m fine. He’s insisting. Then the bus driver, who apparently was watching the entire ride yells, “Boy, she said she was fine. If you get off this bus, I swear I’ll call the cops.”

Best bus driver ever.

— OtterPunch

2. He wanted more than a cig…

One night in college, I was walking home. I was in the nightlife area right by campus, only a couple of blocks from my apartment. Some guy (30s-ish) asks to bum a cigarette, which then leads to him being all, “So what’s going on tonight beautiful? You busy? You got a boyfriend?” Me being young and afraid to anger a strange man, I sort of play along, uncomfortable and trying to break away but wanting to play it off naturally.

At one point someone rode past on their bike. They slowed down and stopped about half a block up. They turned around and stared back at us – it was too dark to see their face or who they were, but we could both see that they were there. They stayed like that until the guy left me alone.

I guess this is more of a street harassment story than getting hit on, but I will forever be grateful for that person just watching out for a stranger.

— lady_moods

3. “I need them to see, fuck off!”

I’m usually the deterrent to persistent dudes when out with a group of friends, but one night this “gentleman” would not quit. An abbreviated summary of the conversation went something like:

• Him: “Hey, can I borrow your glasses?”
• Me: “… No.”
• Him: “C’mon, please?”
• Me: “No. I need them to see. Get the fuck out of here.”

And with ongoing protests from this guy, my lovely, beautiful best friend (on the right side of four vodka-sodas) just came up in between us repeatedly hollering “BYE!” until he quit.

When I thanked her and told her I would have handled it, her response was, “Nobody messes with my lady!” as she proceeded to bend over and keep dancing.

— Jado234

4. The only time

I was 17. This guy catcalled me outside a store. I told him to shut up. He laughed. When I came out the store the guy was gone. Another man, much older, came up to me and told me he overheard the exchange, and couldn’t stand to see the guy harassing people. So the older man told the first guy to leave or he would call the police.

Now, I’ve been harassed from 14 onwards and it is the only time in my life anyone stood up for me.

— Robinspeakeasy

5. He even got a job out of it!

I had to start figuring out how to save myself from it at 11, so I’m usually going to see the bullshit coming. That said, I was in a sports bar and a guy grabbed me and wouldn’t let go. A friend of mine–Mike–saw it, grabbed him and threw him out of the place. The owner bought us both a drink and hired Mike as a bouncer.

— Kemokiro

6. Saved by a gay man

I was in Russia studying abroad and went to a club with a bunch of friends and one guy who was a friend of a friend. Some random, giant Russian dude was hitting on me aggressively all night. The friend of a friend was this French guy who did not look intimidating at all. He pretended to be my boyfriend and kept interrupting the other guy to talk to me in French (which I do not speak). He helped me get away from the other guy and I actually was pretty attracted to him… But then it turned out that he was gay. Luckily he didn’t need anyone to save him from me hitting on him, though.

— fishielicious

7. She just made a HUGE scene

In the basement of a frat house, I was getting followed around by some guy, who was too persistent. He got me in the corner, so my friend came up to him, tapped him on the shoulder and starts yelling, “NOPE YOU AREN’T TRYING TO FUCK MY FRIEND, NUH UH MAN. BYE.” And is making a scene. Embarrassed, the guy finally left me alone.

— day-sleeper

8. He stalked me across the bar

1st year at uni, guy would not leave me alone in a bar. Started with just dancing near me, then dancing on me (shudder) then he’d follow me to the bar, wait outside the bathroom. I was in a big group of people and we didn’t really know each other so I guess they thought I knew this stranger.

So I’m in the bathroom in tears because I’m freaking out a bit. The bathroom attendant sits me down, gives me a lollipop and asks me to describe one of my friends. She finds them and explains what is going on.

When I come out of the bathroom they’re all there and immediately create a human wall, separating this guy from me. He starts kicking off, they begin to walk as a group towards the exit, forcing him towards the bouncers. They quickly kick him out for trying to start a fight.

So the bathroom attendant saved the day (we gave her a great tip to say thank you). From then on, if any of us were receiving unwanted attention we’d text/tell/suggest through interpretive dance ‘lollipop’ and we would protect each other.

— IvyKingslayer

9. The ending of this story is wild

In grade seven, this guy, let’s call him C, asked me out but I didn’t like him so I told him I wasn’t over my ex. In grade 9 C started following me around at school, he even would skip his own classes to sit in mine. He kept asking me to have lunch with him or hang out with him after school or if he would walk me home. I told him I didn’t like him like that, but he would just get mad at me for not giving him a fair chance. So I told another guy that I kind of had a crush on (let’s call him J) about my problem with C.

I asked him to pretend to be my boyfriend so C would back off. He agreed to do so and It worked. J and I soon started dating for real. It was short lived and messy but that’s what high school is like I guess. Also later on when I was in grade 11, C and his then girlfriend set my garden shed on fire. Not sure why, but I’m still a bit upset about that because my family had to pay a lot of money to replace it.

— Cucumbergirl108

10. Asshole boss to the rescue

We were coming back from a work outing one time at my old job and I had a really bad sinus infection. This guy who was fairly drunk sat next to me on the bus and started hitting on me. I was pretty unresponsive towards him and was just putting up with it, hoping he would go away. I’m normally pretty good about getting guys to leave me alone but I really wasn’t feeling well and he was my workmate’s brother so I just didn’t have it in me to deal with it at the time.

My boss, who could be a total ass, was sitting in front of me and was apparently listening to what was going on because he turned around and said something like “Buddy- she doesn’t want to talk to you. Leave her alone”. And the guy grumbled something back to him but he left me alone. So, along with all the negative stuff I might think about that boss, I’ll always remember that time he was looking out for me.

— GetInHere

11. I saved myself

I guess this is a story about how someone didn’t save me, I just got really lucky. At a party my freshman year of college, this guy was following me around and trying to grab me. I told my roommate, who was there with me, about it and she blew it off because she was friends with the guy and said he was a good egg.

I finally was able to lose him after about an hour and managed to avoid him for the rest of the year. A year later, this guy was convicted of raping another girl from our dorm.

— matildaw0rmw00d

12. Friend grabs her outta there!

IDK if sober me is oblivious or what, but I used to seemingly only get hit on while drinking. I was usually pretty good at turning them down, but sometimes they were extra persistent. One time some dude came up and started grinding on me. He wouldn’t piss off no matter what I did so I went up to a friend who pushed me behind him and then just glared the guy down.

Another time I started a friendly conversation with a much much older man about, IDK international politics or something, and he didn’t get it when the conversation was over and I wanted to walk away. He started getting more and more personal and invading my space and just as he was reaching out to grab me, my friend ran up and went “you owe me a drink, let’s go”, grabbed my arm and swiftly pulled me away.

— thecraudestopper

13. Creepy-ass dude on the train

I was 17, and this older guy (maybe 50) started talking to me while waiting for a train. All I wanted to do was read my book, but I was too polite to ignore him.

By the time we get on the train, I realize I made a mistake.

I could smell the beer on him, and he put his arm on me, heavy as a rock, and kept trying to kiss me. Actually he did, on my cheek because I turned away.

He followed me through my transfer, even though I tried to lose him. By this point I am terrified and just waiting to have signal to call my dad.

Well a few different men noticed my distress, started asking if I was okay. But I was scared and didn’t want a scene, I just wanted to call my dad. They were persistent, and finally asked the best question I wouldn’t immediately brush off – “do you know him?” I said no, and so they all grabbed/pushed him off the train, loudly making sure everyone knew not to let him back on.

I wish so much I knew who they were, so I could tell them how much it meant to me. I think that’s why I tell this story whenever I can, in the hopes that maybe my thanks will find them, and that it can encourage other people to protect those who look scared.

I’ve had so many bad experiences with random men, but this is always my reminder that “all men” is a fallacy.

So to you strangers from years ago, I still thank you.

— Aaaaanimaaaaniacs

14. Defender of justice!

I attended a concert with a good friend of mine earlier this summer. When it was over, we were making the long trek back to my car and some super drunk creepo grabbed my arm and looked at me in a really unsettling way.

My friend then proceeded to full out scream at this dude, “Don’t touch her!” and pulled me away from him. The drunken asshat mumbled something about it not being a big deal because he was “just fucking around.” She yelled at him again to go away and leave us alone. She was a true defender of justice in my time of need because I get really nervous and choked up in situations like that but she just stepped up like a champ and told him what’s what.

15. “Do you want to have kids?”

I was at the bar with a couple friends. Was sitting at a high table by myself while they went to order drinks. An older guy (probably in his 60s or 70s) came over and started talking to me. It was innocent at first and I didn’t mind, but then he started asking weirder and more intrusive questions: was I religious, did I have a boyfriend, did I have any children. The final straw was me replying that I didn’t have children and him asking if I wanted any.

One of the guys I was with overheard on his way back to the table and flipped out. Told him to fuck off and leave me alone and that asking women questions like that wasn’t appropriate. The old guy got strangely combative and it turned into a real shit show. I was completely useless and just froze. That friend and I don’t speak much anymore but I’ll always be so grateful he did that for me. Such a bizarre experience.

16. Maurice

Ooh! Ooh! This is how I met my SO exactly three years ago this week. =D

I was hanging out at my favorite dive bar, sitting down at the end of the bar. On my one side there was this guy named Maurice, who I later learned is notorious in this college town, and has been banned from most of the bars here. He’s in his mid-50s, and he’s missing one of his front teeth, which he calls his “nipple catcher.” He is a black guy and loves to hit on much younger, white women by saying things like he “only dates white women because he likes to see what he’s doing.” He’s mostly harmless, but the bartender was definitely keeping an eye on me while I got stuck having this conversation with Maurice.

Eventually, it gets to the point where the guy sitting on my other side realized I needed some help getting out of the conversation, so he turned and asked me something about whatever he and his buddy were talking about. We ended up talking for the rest of the night, and then he came home with me. We kept hanging out, and now we’ve been together for three years.

About a year and a half ago, we learned that somehow his buddy who had been at the bar with him that night actually ended up sharing a cab with Maurice to get home that night. We have joked multiple times about inviting Maurice to our wedding someday. We should probably at least buy him a drink the next time we see him around.

— freshayer

17. Several creepy situations

For the record, I carry pepperspray and a taser, and I have a rape whistle on my keys lol. But I’ve had several situations where I was helped out of uncomfortable situations.

At a bar in college, creepy guy would not take no for an answer. One of my good friends came up and pretended to be my gf. When the guy insisted there was no way I was into girls, she planted a big french kiss on me, and just continued to make out with me until he walked away.

At a car show an old man pretended to be my dad when some guys tried to recruit me to be a bikini model for their motorcycle shop.

In line at a concession stand a dude was asking very creepy and forward questions, and just kept trying to converse with me after I told him I didn’t feel like talking. The muscly guy behind me just tapped me on the shoulder, gave me a look of shock and said, “Anna! Oh my god how long has it been! How ARE you?! Still dating that football player?” and gave me a hug like we were old friends. Did not know him, but was super grateful.

A cop at a Walgreens walked me to my car when a creepy guy followed me inside and then stalked me around the store asking me questions about my use of a cane, ie how weak am I / am I capable of running. Fucking terrifying.

— swallowthewhale 

1. Never have I ever taken a photo of a hot person when they weren’t looking.

2. Never have I ever found a serial killer (or any other real life criminal) attractive.

3. Never have I ever masturbated to someone I’m related to by blood.

4. Never have I ever watched a YouTube video of someone getting murdered or tortured.

5. Never have I ever watched someone sleep for an extended period of time.

6. Never have I ever genuinly wished someone else was dead.

7. Never have I ever slept with someone that was old enough to be my mother/father.

8. Never have I ever written a disturbing story, poem, or song lyrics.

9. Never have I ever rooted for the villain in a movie, because I related to him more than the hero.

10. Never have I ever watched disturbing porn–and gotten off from it.

11. Never have I ever hurt someone (physically or emotionally) and felt absolutely no remorse.

12. Never have I ever laughed at a car crash.

13. Never have I ever smelled someone’s hair.

14. Never have I ever done something illegal–aside from smoking pot and blowing a red light.

15. Never have I ever purposely listened in on my roommates having sex.

16. Never have I ever kept a pair of someone else’s underwear.

17. Never have I ever stolen from a friend’s house.

18. Never have I ever lied to someone to ruin their relationship.

19. Never have I ever watched someone get dressed or undressed, even though they didn’t realize I was there.

20. Never have I ever kissed someone I wasn’t dating while they were sleeping.

21. Never have I ever broke into someone’s house when they weren’t around.

22. Never have I ever enjoyed the taste of my own blood.

23. Never have I ever listened to songs with violent lyrics on a loop all day long.

24. Never have I ever talked to my parents or my grandparents about my sex life–in too much detail.

25. Never have I ever spent hours Facebook stalking a crush or an ex.

26. Never have I ever tried to hack into my crush’s accounts to read their messages.

27. Never have I ever called someone and then hung up after they answered.

28. Never have I ever gotten so obsessed with a celebrity that I pointlessly hated the person they were dating.

29. Never have I ever had sex in my parent’s bed.

30. Never have I ever lied to the police.

31. Never have I ever watched someone through their bedroom window.

32. Never have I ever masturbated while a family member was still in the room with me.

33. Never have I ever been afraid of what I’m capable of. 

There is so much power in embracing who you are, weirdness and all. Because however old you are, your weird is what make you you. Whether you’re single AF or madly in love, being true to your authentic self is the only way to lead a happy, fulfilling life.

1. Pretend to enjoy myself when I’m actually fucking miserable.

2. Sit through something painfully awful just because I don’t want to be rude.

3. Act like my life is great on social media when in reality I just sit home alone most of the time.

4. Use social media at all. I hate it and I love it, but lately I just down right hate it.

5. Put so much pressure on myself on a Monday to get everything done when I have the whole week to complete my work.

6. Eat animals, but I don’t know if I can stop. So I’ll take it one day at a time.

7. ‘Like’ a post or tweet on social media so people don’t think I’m ignoring them when I truly don’t give a shit what they have to say.

8. Be fake nice to people who I don’t like and people who I know don’t like me.

9. Find an excuse to leave a conversation because it’s boring and I’m over it.

10. Pretend like my life is together when I still can’t tip without asking my friends how much it should be.

11. Act excited for the sole purpose that someone else is excited.

12. Give an explanation to the statement “no.”

13. Answer people’s questions who I know are more so asking for their own personal gain (or gossip) than who are actually asking to see how I’m doing in life.

14. Cook. Like ever again.

15. Hold farts in while in public.

16. Say “yes” to plans out of obligation.

17. Feel bad about cancelling plans when I’d rather die than leave my house.

18. Answer Emails from stupid people.

19. Act like people’s ugly babies are cute for the sake of their feelings.

20. Act calm around people who don’t spay/neuter their dogs or train them in any way.

21. Always sit with my legs closed.

22. Be nice to people who annoy the fuck out of me and keep asking for things.

23. Dress nicely when I’d rather just wear sweatpants to the bar.

24. Say hi and ~*act*~ like I’m interested in catching up with someone I went to high school with that I ran into at the bar.

25. Be nice to parents who I know spent their whole adult life they’ve known me talking shit about me for being ‘irresponsible’ and ‘reckless’ in high school. (Your daughter was getting fucked up on the same dirt road, lady.)

26. Eat salads just because everyone I’m at lunch with is eating a salad so I do it instead of eating the burger I’m craving to act like I’m healthy.

27. Moderately drink when I’m at the bar (instead of blacking out) because I feel old in there now compared to the other people who are definitely underage (I’m 22).

28. Walk over and ask someone to pet their dog instead of just rolling on the ground with it and cuddling on the sidewalk.

29. Wear clothes in public when it’s hot as fuck out.

30. Leave the house when it’s raining or snowing or cold.

31. Suppress my hunger because I just ate a meal a full hour ago and it’s socially unacceptable to eat another meal that soon.

1. Excessive meme sharing. “Sending memes” should be written into the 2017 edition of the Five Love Languages as the 6th and most obvious one. You can sustain an entire relationship in 2017 by just sending each other memes and writing either “you” or “me” or “us.”

2. Someone who will stop to not only take a photo of you somewhere, but who will do it at the angle that you prefer, and take multiple shots until you approve. Even if you aren’t one of those people who posts photos of themselves every day, when the time comes for that opportune shot of you in front of a coffee shop sign or a mountain you complained about as you kind of hiked, your best friend better be there to make you look so good, you appear only fractionally similar to how you do in person.

3. Having the same “hot takes” on nuanced political issues. In 2017, anybody who agrees with you on anything is immediately in the “I like you” zone, anybody who says “YES, THANK YOU” to your (admittedly unoriginal) hot take on some layered, complicated issue is automatically upgraded to “BFF forever” status.

4. Tagging each other in video clips of exotic travel destinations and writing “can we please?” Facebook is a minefield of these, and it starts to make it seem like spending a month in Thailand is just something people do, rather than an extreme privilege.

5. Communicating exclusively via emoji. What even are words?

6. Blindly liking every single thing that they post without even really looking at what it is. Your best friends could post a photo of a dead body and you’d be like *double tap* before you even realized what it was.

7. Someone who thinks that staying in with you is as much fun as going out because going out, despite it’s virtues, is also exhausting, expensive and you’ve got a 70/30 shot of it either being the “best night ever” or miserably disappointing.

8. Someone who openly likes the kinds of fast food you do. Being “healthy” is cool now, but your best friends are the ones that are like, “Everyone else I know is vegan, will you go to McDonald’s with me?”

9. Someone who is into the same health/fitness stuff you are. Your CrossFit/yoga/juice bar friends are family, and you are your cleanest-eating, spiritually-awakened, rise-and-grind self in front of them.

10. Being almost inappropriately transparent about your emotional issues. You can differentiate your best friends from everyone else by how you answer the question: “How are you today?” If the answer is “I’m good, what’s going on with you?” they are an unimportant acquaintance. If it is “Well, I am having a breakdown, I cried for an hour last night, I don’t think I’m in the right career, and I need a drink,” that is your best friend.

11. Your oversharing apexes with your BFF. If you think that people overshare online, you have not come across two best friends in 2017. There is nothing that’s off the table (this is as it should be, honestly).

12. You share articles with each other that are like, “Here’s why girls with anxiety are the strongest.” It is through relatable headlines that we express deep understanding of one another these days.

13. You share multiple accounts, including but not limited to Netflix, HBO Go, and Amazon Prime. That subscription may only be $10 a month, but it is $10 a month you are simply not willing to spend when you and 3 other people you know could all use your one friend’s parent’s account.

14. You find the same weird Vine posts hilarious, or you both subscribe to that one YouTuber who just posts random rant videos that you can’t stop watching for reasons you still, to this day, do not understand.

15. You’re friends with each other’s parents on Facebook, and actually appreciate when they like every single thing you post.

16. You know exactly what they are talking about when they say: “Did you see that thing [so-and-so, a person we both dislike] posted?” Disliking the same people is usually a staple in friendship (it’s sad, but true) but now it’s about understanding precisely what you commonly dislike, and expressly pointing it out via their social media accounts.

17. You could see yourself being friends with this person for the rest of your life. 2017 is about quality over quantity, and your true best friends are the ones you can imagine looking back on your 2010s social media accounts with and saying “remember when we said ‘fleek’ and were serious about it?”

I was a weird kid. I ran around my house in a Barney costume at the age of fourteen and wore a googly-eye headband to school throughout my whole freshman year. However, not so long into my high school career, I realized that being different wasn’t ‘cool’ anymore. So I played the game of fitting in. I wore popular clothes, listened to music that I hated, and hung out with the most nauseatingly boring people.

This was one of many reasons I was miserable at school. A lot of people talk about what life is like after high school. Though it felt like an eternity, it was really only four years. In comparison to the rest of your life, that’s nothing. But even in such a short period of time, kids can be socially traumatized.

So here I am, more than four years out of high school, and I am super fricken weird. I wear too many stripes, listen to High School Musical on repeat, and reread Harry Potter every year. To a lot of people that I grew up with, I’m strange. But my life is never boring, and I love it.

I would hate to be that person I pretended to be at 16. I ignored my true interests and didn’t enjoy anything my peers said I should. But as an adult, there’s no one I have to listen to but myself. There’s no status-quo in my life. The people I surround myself are just as weird as I am.

Being weird sounds taboo. But by being weird, you will genuinely have the most fun with your life.

Forget living that mundane life that many people think you should live. If you want to listen to German folk music, watch Star Wars every month, and wear Cheetah Girl pajamas, no one is stopping you.

You are an adult and you make your own decisions. You choose what you wear, what you do with your life, and who you surround yourself with. So surround yourself with people who embrace your weirdness. Friends who will support you and love you and cherish uniqueness.

When you get stuck in a rut, which sometimes happens, spice up your life with some unusuality. Do what you want with your life because the only opinion that really matters is your own. You will have much more fun this way.

This morning was a special morning.

To most people, and frankly even to me, it wouldn’t really look all that different than anything else I typically do. There was nothing movie montage-able about this morning. It wouldn’t have had a jaunty soundtrack, I wasn’t bustling up and down a busy street smiling at strangers and drinking a latte that somehow wasn’t scalding right after the barista handed it to me while something like Hall and Oates blasted in the background.

But that doesn’t mean this wasn’t still, somehow, a special morning.

This morning I didn’t set an alarm. I woke up at 6 to let my dog out and went back to bed until almost 9. There wasn’t a line when I went to my favorite spot right by my apartment for a 12 oz soy latte and a last minute Christmas card for one of my friends I’m seeing unexpectedly this weekend. I sang Celine Dion in the shower. A really fantastic, hopefully life-altering package that I wasn’t expecting until Tuesday arrived today and now I’m typing this from a laptop while I watch my new iMac update to the latest version of Sierra. I cleaned my desk and listed to a podcast and am now sipping my favorite non-alcoholic drink (Lime La Croix) from a new mug which was sent to me by one of my favorite people.

What I’ve realized is that, in even the quiet, somewhat meaningless moments, I’m living my own version of an ideal life.

It’s difficult to explain what true contentment feels like because contentment exists on a fluctuating scale. There are days where you’ll feel like nothing is right and days where you can’t imagine your life being better than this right here right now. But you’ll realize that you’re living your ideal life, or at least a version of it, when even the mundane mornings have the ability to be good. Great, even. Or even, in some cases, special.

I never imagined this would be my life—which coincidentally is probably in the top 5 “most cliché” things I’ve ever written down. But in my early twenties I was in love, enamored with the idea of growing old with someone, and on a trajectory that had nothing to do with setting up a second computer in a house built by crying while freelancing to moving to full-time in tech and digital media. I wasn’t envisioning a life of quiet or learning to thrive in solitude. It was almost like I lived with the idea that happiness, or contentment, existed within perfectly formulated parameters. And anything outside of those parameters was not only completely unnecessary, but unknown. And the unknown didn’t need to be explored because everything inside my immaculate little formula for contentment was good enough.

The most magical thing about living your ideal life is the sheer fact that it likely will look nothing like what you thought it would. This isn’t to say that ideal lives or realizing you’re content won’t have both peaks and valleys. Life is life, no matter how happy you are most of the time. It will still find ways to fuck you up and drag you around and make you feel like everything is wrong. But the other most magical thing about living your ideal life is when you come back to the good, when you get back to the, “I had a perfectly unimpressive morning but it was still kind of lovely,” the rock bottom moments aren’t as lasting.

Earlier this year Chrissy Stockton wrote about living her own strange life and said:

“I have my own unique set of things to be at peace about. I am following that shadowy voice inside, this much I know for sure.”

And maybe that’s what it all boils down to. Maybe to find the ideal life, the life where you’re quietly content, the life where the nothing equates to special and even those completely boring, un-montagable moments still make you smile, you just have to figure out how to listen to yourself. How to trust that little voice that says, “You, yes you, are doing okay.”

Or maybe I’m just overly amped about having a new computer with a screen size that rivals my TV.

Who’s to say.

This is as equally devastating for you as is it for me, but we just can’t be together. Art is driving us apart—and by art I specifically mean mine, because I can’t remember what you told me you did, but I’m an architect. I just need to focus on my craft. And also sleep with other people.

Look, this has honestly been a long time coming. Remember when you freaked out because I sleep with my mattress on the floor? And don’t have sheets? Or when you didn’t talk to me for two days because I kept trying to convince you to split the cost of a Corbusier Chaise lounge? It would’ve changed your apartment layout. Or when I stopped talking to you for two days because you ripped out a blank piece of paper from my Moleskin to spit your gum into?

I’M WEIRD, ok, and I just HATE collaboration.

I’m the Jack Kerouac of the architecture world. I mean have you ever even read On The Road? I didn’t either—oh, you did? Ok, whatever—but I did see the movie, and what I got from it is that I need to be having a lot more sex with a lot more women. I’m weird, ok? The Beat writers really were onto something. I’m probably as weird as they were, if not weirder because, like, anyone can write long sentences without grammar and take acid. Not everyone can be an architect. I’m weird.

This just can’t continue on. Much like how I feel caged by ADA requirements to make everything eco-friendly these days, I feel like this relationship is suffocating my creativity too. I’m just an Artsy Cool Boy and need my space. And a lot more women. Women love how sensitive I am. God, am I being weird again? I guess that’s why I’m such a loner. But it’s on purpose. I like being alone, like that guy in the On The Road movie.

With all your talk about “long-term plans” and “goals” and “stability,” I just know the two of us could never work out. For one thing, I’m so much weirder than you. It’s probably because I’m an architect and you’re not. I don’t even own a TV. I want to write my memoir by 24. You won’t even go to Bushwick with me.

But the main reason this could never be is that I dress strictly in Earth tones and you’re wearing a Millennial pink blouse. Did you even consider what this could do to my brand?

1. What’s the deal with cord blood?

2. How does the fetus move around so much without getting tangled in the cord?

3. Are there really any benefits to eating the placenta?

4. Isn’t placenta eating kind of cannibalistic?

5. Isn’t cannibalism how Mad Cow disease started?

6. What can pregnant women eat without feeling guilty and/or getting the stink eye from a stranger?

7. Why is it okay for regular people to ingest all the mercury that’s supposedly in the fish we’re all eating?

8. Do pregnant French women eat soft cheeses?

9. Do pregnant Japanese women eat sushi?

10. What’s the small-brained baby disease called?

11. Is there Zika in Florida?

12. Is there Zika in Texas?

13. Is there Zika in Georgia?

14. Can I get Zika from someone without having sex with them?

15. Is Zika bad for my baby after it’s born or just while it’s baking in the womb?

16. When does an embryo become a fetus?

17. When does my pregnancy become “viable”?

18. What are the chances I’ll miscarry?

19. What are the chances I’ll have a stillborn baby?

20. What are the chances that my baby is a hermaphrodite?

21. Why do “clean” household cleaners suck so much?

22. Is using Windex on a glass surface really going to hurt my baby?

23. Why are my boobs so engorged months before the baby’s even born?

24. What’s with all the vagina goo during pregnancy?

25. Why does pregnant sex feel so weird?

26. When will I start to feel my baby move?

27. How do you know if it’s gas or a kick?

28. How many weeks pregnant is Amal Clooney?

29. How long will it take to get my body back after giving birth?

30. Am I definitely going to poop during childbirth?

31. Why do some women refuse an epidural?

32. Like, seriously, WHY?

33. What’s the actual law regarding public breastfeeding?

34. What’s the point of giving birth in water?

35. What’s a doula?

36. What does a doula do?

37. How much does a doula cost?

38. Is a doula worth it?

39. At what point are people going to start asking if they can touch my belly?

40. What’s the best way to tell a stranger who wants to touch your belly to please fuck off?

41. How long will it take all my organs to find their way back to their original places after giving birth?

42. Is it bad if my bump is kind of lopsided?

43. How much do women outside the U.S. drink during pregnancy?

44. Why do people in the U.S. insist on swaddling their babies?

45. Is putting your baby in a mini straightjacket really all that beneficial?

46. How much coffee can I drink while pregnant?

47. What is a mamaroo and why do I need one?

48. What are the top baby must-haves I need to buy before my child is born?

49. How quickly does a newborn grow out of a onesie?

50. What exactly is spitting up and how often does it happen?

51. Is it true that newborns can’t breathe out of their mouths?

52. If newborns can only breathe out of their noses, wtf happens when they get congested in the middle of the night?

53. At what age will my baby sleep through the night?

54. What is sleep training?

55. What are the major first year milestones I need to look out for?

56. What is toxemia?

57. What is attachment parenting and why the hell does anyone do it?

58. How do I avoid raising an asshole?

You will miss drugs.

I’m not talking about crack cocaine or black tar heroin. I’m talking about the everyday drugs like caffeine and alcohol you’ll be encouraged to either give up altogether or moderate, depending on your friend group. If you happen to catch a cold or virus while pregnant, you will definitely miss the over-the-counter meds we all pop without second thought when feeling under the weather. You can’t possibly understand how awesome NyQuil is until you’re suffering a sleepless, sniffly, stuffy-headed night of no sleep thanks to the growing parasite in your belly that you’re not supposed to taint with any meds.

You will have to re-learn how to have sex.

Sex during pregnancy can be great. Orgasming is one of the few pleasures remaining for a pregnant lady who can’t get drunk, can’t eat sushi whenever she wants, and can’t really shop for anything other than shapeless tent dresses. The problem is that you can’t rely on the same old tricks to get off. Thanks to your growing belly, certain positions will inevitably be off limits. Plus, your insides will feel different. Advise your significant other to take things really slowly and listen to your body as you figure things out.

Your body will change in some totally unexpected ways.

It’s not just your belly that morphs during pregnancy. Other areas like your boobs and butt are bound to expand, too. Got a thigh gap? Expect it to close! That adorable innie belly button you’ve grown to love? Wait til it inverts! And those dainty little feet? Expect them to expand, my dear. Oh, and don’t underestimate your body’s ability to sprout pimples in strange places. Every single inch of your figure—from forehead to clavicle and upper thighs—is fair game for change. On the upside, it’s likely that your hair will thicken into a gloriously lionlike mane (at least until you give birth, at which point you will probably shed every single additional lock because that’s the tax for holding your baby irl after nine months of hell or something).

You will experience some very odd sensations.

Ticklish butthole? Itchy elbows? Restless leg syndrome? Bloated beyond belief? Suddenly unable to withhold a fart in a crowded elevator? All part of the beauty of building a tiny human! Your body is going through a lot of changes that can manifest in a string of unprecedented ways. When you’re with child, the sight of a yellow plate might just make your stomach turn. And your partner’s gentle snoring might sound like a volcanic eruption. In addition to all the hormones coursing through your veins, your senses are heightened during pregnancy, which means that the way you experience your surrounding environment is suddenly way different.

You will be peeing, like, a lot.

As your belly gets bigger, your fetus pushes against your bladder more and more, making that nagging need-to-pee urge pretty much constant. And not just during the day! You won’t understand what peeing a lot feels like until you’re actually getting up five times a night, minimum, to relieve yourself. Sleeping in segments isn’t fun, but maybe it’s Mo’ Nature’s way of preparing you for breastfeeding your newborn every two hours during those first few sleepless weeks!

You will be peeing your pants a lot, too.

When you’re pregnant, every cough, giggle, and sneeze quickly becomes an opportunity to wet yourself. There’s a special term for pissing while sneezing that you’ll learn to love-hate: SNISSING. Try as you might to strengthen that pelvic floor, the reality is that those muscles are being pressured like crazy from above. Don’t be afraid to change your panties five times a day.

You will poop at super strange times.

Think you know your bowel movements inside and out? Think again! Since your digestive system slows during pregnancy to give your baby time to suck up all the nutrients it needs, you probably won’t be pooping as often as you’d like. You might even get constipated for several days on end! Also, once that long-awaited poop finally arrives, all the pushing it takes to get it out could very well give you hemorrhoids. Just another perk of being a fertile woman!

There will be a slew of traumatizing moments.

From the day your regular clothes stop fitting way before you think they will to the day you notice how much darker your nipples are to the day your partner makes a casual comment about your bulging belly, you will be traumatized again and again and again. The hits keep coming when you’re pregnant!

But there will be plenty of joyous moments, too.

The thing is, as shitty as pregnancy can be, there are just enough awesome moments to make it all seem worthwhile. For example, that first kick (or was it gas?), the first time your partner feels the baby move, learning the sex (if you choose to), when people start giving up their seats for you, and when strangers start volunteering their own birth stories. These moments will make you smile wide with maternal pride. There really are countless small but important milestones to check off the list and you will feel grateful for each an every single one of them because they will remind you that what you’re doing—building a life!!!—is pretty fucking sweet and that you’re special because you’re a female who’s doing her part to further the human race.

You’re going to get used to it all—cause you’ve got to.

Luckily, you’re programmed to do this. You are more than capable, and you can count on your biology to make even the most frustrating moments seem enjoyable, or at least somewhat bearable.

How you recover from depression depends largely on whether you can redirect your thinking, a process more curative than any drug. To harness your thoughts and deploy them in a way that combats negativity, try the following off-brand strategies:

1. Find that spot at home or in the office you’ve never been to before and stand there.

We typically follow the same patterns at work and around the house, tracing our footsteps repeatedly. Disrupt the monotony and find that dreary space you once thought uninhabitable. Stand in the basement, the stairwell, the cluttered storeroom you forgot existed. It is here that you will be less prone to distraction and come to understand new things about yourself. For instance, that you’re unique—unique for having ventured forth into areas unknown—and that this makes you stronger than most.

2. Read an article about some unexplained phenomena in astrophysics.

The universe is larger than you are, more consequential, and exposing yourself to this truth helps alleviate some of the pressure suffered under everyday circumstances. Read an article on one of the following unassailable topics—multiverse theory, dark matter, the fourth dimension—and allow your worries to fade at the prospect of a much larger, meaningful truth. What are you worries compared to that of the universe? Release your guilt knowing that the results of your negative actions matter little in the long run.

3. Stay up for a full 24 hours.

Rare is it for us to expose ourselves—our bodies and our minds—to a full 24-hour rotation around the sun, and doing so consciously can be exhilarating. Force yourself to stay conscious for the long haul and see how the symmetry found in a 24-hour lifecycle can be absolutely awe-inspiring. Have fun during what oddly feels like a purposeful journey and save reflections for the day-after. Feel renewed for your appreciation of art and nature, and for the world which you’ve been gifted!

4. Get in your car and drive north.

Traveling north orients us in mysterious ways—perhaps drawing resonance from the Earth’s magnetic field or the impact of cooler climates—and as such you should consider taking a break and heading northwards. The isolated comfort of a vehicle is just what you’ll need to detach and consider exactly why the negativity you’ve been experiencing is fleeting and not worth your energy. Using the highway as your guide, fill up your gas tank and take a trip towards the unknown.

5. Put a paper bag over your head.

The goal behind this creative exercise is to de-stimulate your senses so that your mind can operate freely. You’d be surprised at how clearly you think when it’s harder to see and hear the world around you. Keep your eyes open and spend as much as fifteen minutes afloat in your own thoughts. Pursue your deepest secrets and try not to laugh at yourself. The situation is funny, yet your dedication to finding clarity among the clouds is no laughing matter.

6. Find an elevated spot to perch in.

Stationing yourself high above the fray enables you to view life’s operations as they actually exist—that is, as an unimpeded flow of chaotic events. What we don’t realize when mentally hobbled is that the world is far more random than we give it credit for. Locate the top floor of your building and, from a window, focus on the streets below. Note how disordered the world looks, and use this observation as a platform for reframing. The lesson should be that lives seem deliberate until viewed from an objective distance, and that in the end everyone is the same—just souls scrambling for a way through.

7. Write a 10-minute comedy sketch.

Laughing releases pleasure chemicals into the brain, and pleasure is something that will induce feelings of positivity and release. Write a 10-minute comedy sketch commenting on a situation you’ve been struggling with. Be unsparing in your approach, and make sure to have fun while doing it. Be dark if you have to. Record yourself delivering the script and ask friends for feedback. This strategy is effective as it allows you to confront your issues in a safe space free of consequences.

8. Choose something symbolic of your negativity and bury it.

Find something emblematic of your depression and carry yourself through the act of burying it. When finished, understand that you’ve covered the first leg in a long journey and that, more practically, you’ve started a treatment plan that is less likely to be forgotten about now that you’ve invested time and energy towards it.

9. Disrupt your sleep routine and stay up late/wake up early.

Like our daily routines, negative thoughts tend to form trends around our sleeping patterns. Reroute your mind’s circuitry by changing up the way you sleep. Stay up late or, if you’re more nocturnal, wake up early. Doing this will disrupt your negative thought flow and allow you to recast things in a different light.

10. Watch a film about a tragic time in history.

This one is a classic. Find a film highlighting a tragic event and, as you become emotionally smitten, start to draw comparisons. Realize your life is full of opportunities others lacked, and use this understanding as a ramp-up to positive feelings. Remember that gratitude is a powerful emotion that will aid you in your quest towards self-healing.

11. Enjoy a pair of noise-cancelling headphones.

Assuming you aren’t hearing-impaired, noise-cancelling headphones can offer a unique experience that when taken seriously will induce feelings of high perception. Without stepping foot in a sensory deprivation chamber, you can channel your inner voice by sealing yourself in a dark room and applying a pair of headphones. Steer your mind towards a single question—for example, “Why does X event continually lead to a set of irrational feelings?”—and do not relent until you’ve derived an answer. Being without your senses will speed you through the process, as your mind now has less distraction to worry about.

12. Interview yourself.

There is no better person with whom to work through challenges than—you guessed it—yourself. Write down a list of interview-like questions and host a conversation with yourself. Focus on why you might be feeling the way you do and take your responses seriously. Record everything out loud in real time and resist the temptation to share with friends. Give your inner voice a chance to flourish and be mindful of the truths it unveils.

13. Get naked.

Many feel uncomfortable without the shielding effect (both mental and physical) of their outer layers. If you find yourself among this group, then skin-shedding might be the right strategy for you. Find a safe space and strip down to your barest without a mirror present. Focus less on the physical sensation of being naked and more on the strange mental awareness this activity generates. Use this awareness to help unlock the truth about what has got you feeling negative. Afterwards, tell yourself that you have just done something courageous, and that you’re now among the lucky few who possess such a special attribute.

14. Think of what your pet likes to do best and take it to the extreme.

A person who doesn’t love their pet cannot call themselves a person. Not only do they deserve it, but giving your dog or cat that recreational activity they enjoy will make you feel fun and charitable, two necessary ingredients to a satisfying life. Taking that activity to the extreme will further help reshape what might be a stale routine. It will make you feel different and force you to appreciate life at its simplest, regardless of your negativity. You can thank your hamster later.